im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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