There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
