Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
