it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
