ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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