you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize