Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize