You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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