she was so not down for the gang bang
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Those nachos came to me in a dream
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
