I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
