so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
