shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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