you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize