I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
