i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
