Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
