check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
