I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
