I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
