I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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