i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
