i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
