my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
