Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They have beer where we have blood.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
