I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
