dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
