I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
