Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
