I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
