I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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