What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
