What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize