is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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