Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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