i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
