Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
