She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
