There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
