I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
