i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
