so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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