Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
