Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cut my penus on the lid.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
