he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
