I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
