"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
