I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
