his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
