I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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