I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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