he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm at about main and main street
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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