Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
