The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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