No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
