I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
