why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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