is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize