all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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