Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
