This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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