i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
