If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
