all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
