New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
