I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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