If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Randomize
