You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
