Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
