guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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