My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
