But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
