Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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