you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
