dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
