So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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