So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
