am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
