I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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