here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
