a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
