so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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