So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
