She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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