My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
