Where did you get a picture of my penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
