My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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