I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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