I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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