hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
