I'm so fucking centered right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
