he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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