i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
