The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
