he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
