He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
