i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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