I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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