Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize