come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
