Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
