She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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