you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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