Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
