if you like me you must not know who I am
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
