google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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