Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even my farts smell like vagina
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
