I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
