as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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