just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize