OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my being single is dangerous.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
