I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
