dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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