I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize