4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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