Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
